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[A plate of Ziti is in a refrigerator beside three bottles of Virgil's root beer]

["Meet the Ziti" text appears]

[Cut back to the Ziti]

Aelita: [Groans repeatedly]

Hornet: "Yeah, there she is!"

Kankrelat: "You! Stop right where you are, that is an order! She's getting away! Do not let her get to the re-"

[Aelita opens the door, grabs the plate of Ziti and closes the door]

Hornet: "D-don't do it, pal!"

Kankrelat: "Do. Not. Do it! Hambone, we have got you by the short and friskies! Do not do it! Do not even think about doing it! Do not even think about not doing it! Lady, you are writing checks your butt will find uncashable! Are you hearing me? Your backside will be escorted from the bank! You will find this humiliating! Don't throw your life away, woman. You only get one! Or, depending on your religious affiliation, several! Either way it is a finite number so think it through!"

Aelita: "What was that, Ziti? Kill them all? Hahahahaha, good idea!" [Eats Ziti] "Om nom nom nom..."

Kankrelat: "Oohhhhhhh, hell..."

Hornet: [Stuttering]"H-h-hey, let's just calm down here! You listening? J-j-just... OH GOD!"

[Aelita chuckles as her loud footsteps are heard gathering speed]


[Several loud thuds are heard, a root beer bottle falls over, and the refrigerator door opens slightly]

Aelita: "Ahahahaha!"

[Sound of liquid spilling on the floor, presumably the Hornet's oil]

Hornet: "My oil! S-She punched out all my oil! Gimme back my wing base! *Smacking noise* Hey! *Smacking noises* Hey! Don't hit me with it! S-She's like a wolf! She's like a big shaved wolf that hates robots! Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain! I regret everything! I regret everything I've ever done!"

[More thuds are heard.]

Kankrelat: "You call that killing me? I am not dead! You cannot hurt me, I do not have time to bleed! You do not frighten me! Pain does not hurt! *Cracking noise* I stand corrected! Arrrrggghhgh! *Cracking noise* Now I am ordering you to kill me! Please please please, God, Kill me! There is a checkbook in the left-rear fold of my carapace! I will pay you all of my money to stop! Lady, I need a blood transfusion double-time! I am going to require roughly half of your blood! *Cracking noise* My schedule has just opened up! Aaaohhww, my God! Ow, ow ow ow ow! Ouch, ouch! Ahhh..."

[A thud and a snap is heard.]

Kankrelat: "You call that breaking my frame? You Lyoko Warrior ladies wouldn't know how to break a frame if-"

[A loud snap is heard and the door closes and opens again, the floor now covered with blood and another one of the bottles of root beer falls over]

Kankrelat: "AUGHHH! MY FRAME!"

Hornet: "It's already dead! It's already deaaad!"

[A girlish scream is heard as the "A World Without Danger" ending flourish music plays. The camera pans across a diagram of the Ziti]

Ziti Diagram Text:
  • Ziti Nomable Gadget
  • +100 Nutritional Points Included
  • Bread & Grains Group: +331/3 health
  • Vegetable Group: +331/3 health
  • Cheese & Dairy Group: +162/3 health
  • Meat & Poultry Group: +162/3 health
[Cut to Aelita in the Desert, as she was in the original Meet the Heavy, but instead of wielding her Energy Field she is devouring some Ziti]

Aelita: "Nom nom nom... [Takes a bite] nom nom... mmmm.. nom."
I'm just including this 1 for the sake of completion & rule of funny. I figured, since Aelita's the heavy, she should have a Sandvich analogue.
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lyokian Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2012
I don't know what's funnier: Aelita talking to the Ziti like the actual Heavy does to his Sandvich, or that she killed two monsters with what seems to be her bare hands.
human-groveback Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2012  Professional General Artist
Did you like how I incorporated the lines cut from the actual Sandvich video? Also, what did you think of my versions of Demoman, Engineer, & Sniper's videos?
lyokian Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2012
You missed The Scout in that list. All were pretty funny. Just a question: Which member of Xana's creatures goes to which class?
human-groveback Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2012  Professional General Artist
  • Scout: Hornet (fast, weapons that revolve around damage over time-pistol/acid thing-& close-quarters projectile attacks-laser sting/shotgun)
  • Soldier: Kankrelat (attack in groups, not very smart)
  • Pyro: Volkanoid (fire theme)
  • Demoman: Insekt (I heard that these things have a few explosives-based attacks somewhere)
  • Heavy: Kolossus (huge, powerful)
  • Engineer: Scyphozoa (gathers data used as manufacturing resources, although it doesn't actually make the stuff)
  • Medic: Creeper (attacks only do moderate damage, more useful as a temporary way of keeping enemies at bay when they enter combat then as a way of eliminating enemies)
  • Sniper: Manta (very accurate with its laser)
  • Spy: Polymorphic Specter (shape shifter with subterfuge-based abilities)
lyokian Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2012
Nice, sensible list. Also I slept on it and came to a decision...Aelita killing two monsters with her bare hands is a hilarious thing to imagine.
human-groveback Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2012  Professional General Artist
lyokian Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2012
Did you add something to this? Checked out the actual Sandvich video and there wasn't that much comedy.
human-groveback Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2012  Professional General Artist
I incorporated the lines that were cut from Meet the Sandvich.
(1 Reply)
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